So any of you who have been keeping up since day 1 (Adventure to MomTopia) know that this began as a journey to turn my family around. Although we were nowhere near dysfunctional, I felt we were on a path that might lead us there. I didn't feel good about aspects of how we were parenting our children and I set out to fix that. So far it is proving to be an amazing transition for our family.
What I didn't talk much about then was the transformation I am going through myself as a person. Sure, I'm working on my time-management skills and my parenting skills but I am also going through quite another journey. I am getting my sh*t together (excuse my language).
I have been struggling with my weight since the birth of my oldest child. About 2 years ago, I was at my biggest (without a baby in my belly). I went shopping for some new clothes and for the first time in my life, I had to look in the plus-sized section. To be honest, I felt ashamed. When the numbers were getting higher in the regular sizes, it didn't bother me so much but having to move to a different part of the store was very emotional for me. I stood there staring at the 1X top I was thinking of trying on and then something inside me snapped. I put the top down and left the store in tears.
The entire drive home, I started thinking... what's holding me back? No one else controls me. I'm not a puppet. I don't have a medical condition (yet!!) so there are no excuses. I was determined that I was not going to be a fat mom. Since then, I have managed to drop 2/3's of the weight I set out to lose. I still have about 20 lbs to go but I am slowly seeing the old me return.
Although my weight is by far the largest task to complete, it has triggered something in me. I no longer accept my "lazy" attitude towards life. I once had goals. I once felt passionate about life. I needed to find that again.
Tying into our new family dynamic, I took my own advice and went back to some of the goals I have set for myself. I chose one to start. I had always said I wanted to run a 1/2 marathon by the time I am 30. Once upon a time, I loved to run. So this October I will be running my first 1/2 marathon. I have started very slow. I found a wonderful friend who is willing to come over and run with me a few times a week and we started a learn-to-run type program. We will be at the end of week 2 tonight and although there's still a long way to go, I feel fabulous that I even made it this far... especially since it's winter!
There is still some work to be done before I will feel like I'm me again but I'm on my way there. The most important thing is that I stay true to myself, take realistic steps and always keep in mind what kind of role model I want to be to my kids. They look up to me and I want them to be proud to call me their mom.
Good for you!
ReplyDelete"I once had goals. I once felt passionate about life. I needed to find that again."
ReplyDeleteIt's been a bit of a funny thing reconnecting with you on FB, even though a thin connection it might be... I don't really know you at all, and have no right to make any assumption or judgement, but it's hard not to try to match up your earlier impression of someone with you you "meet" years later. And I'd be horrified if someone did that do me, although I'm sure it happens. :)
I knew you best when we were crazy teens giggling our way around France. You were always so strong and unique and un-mainstream and free spirited and really with a mind of your own.
I think we all mature and change and evolve and experiment and at times in our lives hearken back to an earlier self for some wisdom. To see what is best left in the past, and what we can embrace in our more adult selves.
Not that we want to flip back into some earlier portrait, but take a speck of what we know to be true (not what someone else thinks) and live it out.
So if that's what you're up to, may you rock on and have fun doing it. :)
-- Erin